Breaking with tradition, the Chemical Emperor of the Orion Cluster today announced that he would honor a United Nation’s request that he not destroy earth’s moon to celebrate the opening of the All Worlds Fair.
His Majestor the Chemical Emperor has attended every All Worlds Fair since the event was held in the primordial soup of a lifeless cosmos nearly 300 of our years ago. Since that time, he has donated the resources needed to demolish the nearest orbiting satellite to the Fair in a spectacular show of light and sound as a gesture of goodwill to the Fair’s’ hosts.
This year, according to the Imperial Seneschal, the Chemical Emperor was prepared to go “all out” in a show that would have involved his elite Death Head Marines enveloping earth’s only satellite in neon acid to the accompaniment live music by the infamous slave choir of Tethus Prime, followed by fireworks and a fly-over by the Regal Armada.
But U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-moon made a personal appeal to His Majestor, citing concerns about atmospheric and tidal disturbances.
“The moon belongs to all the people of Earth, is a precious natural resource, and a vital part of our gravitational ecosystem,” the Secretary General said. “While all nations celebrate the honor our world has received in hosting the All Worlds Fair, we ask that our planet’s only existing satellite be left untouched.”
The Imperial Seneshal, Solid Lord Kaydabasus, said that His Majestor would reluctantly break with tradition this one year as a gesture of good faith and solidarity with the people of the Milky Way Galaxy.
But, he added, His Majestor still plans to celebrate the opening of the Fair in grand style. Ideas currently on the table include casting his shadow over the sun and deflowering 1,000 virgins to the music of Duke Ellington.