Author Archives: admin_awf
But, they said, even these numbers are not enough to save our universe, which will be cancelled at the end of the week and replaced with a single-camera romantic comedy universe.Continue reading
Precognitive Review of All Worlds Fair
The (in)famous psychic time traveling art critic, Waine Blalker — who hasn’t written a good review since his review of the NeoNeoRetroFuturist performance entitled “Destruction of the Dinosaurs” 66 million years ago — wrote this review of the All Worlds Fair before he even went…
All Worlds Hipster BullshitHipster Fucks,
I don’t know if you all realize it, but the stupid dress code, timing issues, no booze and overkill on emails and forms has put a large group of folks that I recommended the event to way the fuck off. We all blindly bought tickets, unfortunately. Next time, be WAY up front about what to expect from your event when buying tickets, as it was anything but crystal clear. Frankly, this shit is turning into work, not fun, and everyone I know who’s going scoffed at everything listed above. Give people some goddamn idea as to what it is we should expect when we spend the money.
And yes, my fault for not checking in further and expecting all of the fun you’ve already managed to sap from the prospective evening would be something I’d even have to consider. I expect to be enlightened when traveling around the world, not hanging out with a bunch of white people at a glorified costume party, so cut the shit next time. In fact, I’d like to know who the event organizers are so I can avoid their future events like the plague. Can you tell me? I don’t care how ‘cool’ your past events have been, this shit is ridiculous, you fucking amateurs. Very low expectations for tonight.
I’d get my money back if I could.
We are honored that Waine B. even considered attending the All Worlds Fair. However, given his track record of extremely negative criticism, and all smiling faces of the Travelers who came through last night, we take Waine’s precognitive review with a grain of salt.
We look forward to see all the Travelers this evening!
Rents skyrocket as Extra-Terrestrials buy up San Francisco Real Estate!
As they come to visit the All Worlds Fair, hundreds of visitors from across the universe who never gave Earth a second though are liking what they see in San Francisco and putting money down on houses, condos, and T.I.C.s.Continue reading
PSA “Dangers of the Digital Device”
While digging through our Time Archives we discovered this excellent PSA, “Dangers of the Digital Device”! Technically this PSA has not been produced yet. It will be produced in 1951 on parallel Earth for a future All Worlds Fair. However, we felt it would be a shame not to show at least a teaser of it now! The full PSA may be shown to a lucky few at the All Worlds Fair. Our engineers ensure us the All Worlds Fair paradox bafflers should be able to handle it*
*If you experience any of the following please stop the video at once to avoid further damage from paradox: dry mouth, headaches, loss of the ability to tell time, a phone call from your future self, gastrointestinal reverse time digestive syndrome, horrifying baying of hounds of tindalos, sudden appearance of a blue police box, Narwhals in your peripheral vision, or any other sensations that appear outside of ordinary reality.
Meet the Docents!
Those lucky enough to attend the All Worlds Fair will be served and guided by perhaps the most extraordinary staff ever assembled in one place and time: the All Worlds Docents.
According to records kept in the vault of the Lumiere Monastery, on the mantle of the Scorpius Neutron Star, the earliest All Worlds Fairs did not have docents, instead allowing the deities and demiurges of pre-history to freely wage war, love, and politics around the exhibits.
In a desperate attempt to bring sanity to this divine madness, Innocent the 8th, Cyber-Pope of Proxima Centauri, offered his Swiss Guard to serve as concierges and security during the All Worlds Fair that was held in his universe.Continue reading
FAQ about the AWF: Why is the All Worlds Fair being held here?
This question really has two parts: why is it this universe’s turn to host the All World’s Fair, and why is it being held in the city of San Francisco, at the old Mint?
It’s a matter of public record that the All Worlds Fair comes to every universe one at a time, and only once. But precisely how each new universe is selected has never been definitively established.Continue reading
NEWS ALERT: San Francisco Police apprehend Jack the Ripper!
The legendary criminal, most recently wanted for the killing of an itinerant street walker in 1891, selling arms to Germany in 1916, robbing a Wisconsin bank in 1937, selling arms to Germany in 1943, voter fraud in 1968, defrauding the public on behalf of the Lincoln Savings & Loan company in 1989, and no fewer than 16 violations of FCC standards and practices since 1997, was apprehended at the corner of 5th and Mission on Feb. 13 while trying to exchange 150 shares of Enron preferred stocks for crack cocaine.Continue reading
America’s Cup exchanges harsh words with All Worlds Fair
The conflict began when The Venerable Azphael of Phelax Prime, who serves as the All Worlds Fair’s outside auditor for this universe, was asked by San Francisco Chronicle columnist C.W. Nevius whether the All Worlds Fair had any joint collaborations planned with the America’s cup, both of which will be appearing in San Francisco this year.Continue reading
FAQ about the AWF: Why are no digital devices allowed?
Ask the All Worlds Fair’s chief temporal engineer, Bernard Clairvaux, that question, and he just laughs. “Have you ever tried to string over 3,000 realities into a two story building? Pulling this off every year, it’s a miracle we don’t all end up like Atlantis!”
Of course All Worlds Fair technology has advanced significantly since an unforeseen Atropos Event condemned the city of Atlantis to sink below the waves in every universe. But that doesn’t mean we’re not still very careful.Continue reading